Lacey Corey Brown’s research specialty is stigma, and she recently completed an article on a sub-topic of the concept that caught her interest: Gen Z dating habits.
Throughout history, the figure of the single older woman with no man in her life held the greatest stigma in the dating pool. Characterizations of the lonely spinster, the old maid or the crazy cat lady portrayed that lifestyle as an undesirable fate that was to be avoided.
Now, “there are so many single women out there, we no longer stigmatize it because it is so normal,” said Brown, an associate teaching professor of communication.
Instead, the negative attention has shifted in recent years to single young men. The idea of a male loneliness epidemic has been taking hold in research studies and casual observation, and Brown confirms that it is to be taken seriously.
“The girls are OK, they’re figuring it out,” said Brown. “The scary end of that is the boys aren’t figuring it out.”
Women are getting enough emotional support from their friends to fill any void, at least partially, Brown said. Even though most single, Gen Z women envision a life with a husband and family, they often are “romantic” with their platonic friends.
“They’ll buy each other gifts, like ‘Oh, you’re having a bad day, I got you a coffee,’” Brown gave as an example. On the other side, “If a man doesn’t have a girlfriend, there is nothing romantic about his life.”
Brown said the trend became significant as more millennial women entered the workforce, and as a result, that generation became less financially dependent on men. What followed was that women are finding contentment on their own and becoming less tolerant toward the idea of compromising for a romantic partner, especially when it comes to those who communicate poorly.
“They don’t need that breadwinner, but men are still holding that value,” and men’s mental health is suffering as a result, said Brown.
The effects can be felt in widespread ways and could have major economic consequences.
In her paper, Brown cited a British Vogue article that was published last fall with the title, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” The article broke down the phenomenon of young women’s disillusionment with traditional relationships and, for those who do have boyfriends, reluctance to go public with their relationship. An interindustry conversation ensued among other British media outlets, such as The Guardian and The Economist.
The Economist’s response article stated, “A future with far more singletons is coming. Everyone, from construction firms to the tax man, had better prepare.” One prediction is that the shift is likely to exacerbate the already dramatic fall in global fertility.
The issue is made even more complex by evidence showing that more women are adopting behaviors that are traditionally considered masculine, besides gaining an education and working full time. “What I’m finding is that women are now just copying the bad behavior of men,” said Brown. Instead of complaining about men’s poor communication skills or lack of interest, women are rationalizing themselves acting aloof to potential partners and keeping their romantic options open.
“But what that inherently does is make women more masculine, which makes them unappealing to men,” said Brown. She’s not shaming the behavioral shift but acknowledging that all it does is perpetuate a cycle where no one wins.
The data is subject to change as Gen Z and the stigmas continue to grow older. In the meantime, Brown suggests that both men and women need to engage in open, vulnerable communication to foster happy, healthy relationships.
